Hello
all, I feel so privileged to be sharing this blog with others through the
International Bipolar Foundation, as well as being able to direct you to my
personal blog.
Where
to start? I thought writing a bio would be easier, but my manic mind right now
is thinking…what do I share, what not, what relevant information do folks want
to know, and lastly I don’t want to bore folks!
My
name is Ashley, 39 years old, and I live right outside of Washington DC in
Northern Virginia. I have never been one for change so I plan to be here the
rest of my good ole life. I am married
to a wonderful man, who also has Bipolar and ADD. No kids but 4 wonderful
kitties.
Right
from the start, the ADHD was apparent…my mom jokes I jumped out of her womb and
took off running down the hall. From the start, I was not the “typical” girl.
My hyperrness was out of control. This was during the 1970’s so ADD/ADHD was
just beginning to surface. In 1st grade, my parents took me to a
psychologist, and the psychologist diagnosed me with Oppositional Defiant
Disorder. Which means, I’m purposely
trying to ignore authority and I’m on the path to perhaps become an arsonist in
the future? I have many childhood scars from this. I think I spent at least ½ my elementary
school life with my desk in the hall.
Skip
ahead 26 years until now. Unfortunately, 15 years ago I received the diagnosis
of bipolar disorder, which happened to be the type of bipolar which is the most
difficult to treat. In 1998, three years after initial symptoms developed, the complete
diagnosis of bipolar I, mixed state, ultra rapid cycling, with psychotic
features was made. Also at this time, I
developed an eating disorder, anorexia, and bulimia. I also have OCD,
thankfully it not severe and just on the “it’s driving me crazy,” level!
My
bipolar is not a euphoric mania but a dysphoric mania; I become highly
paranoid, agitated, and aggressive. In the past, I have experienced psychotic
episodes, and when my mania is severe I have a heightening of senses, I see
colors brightly, almost in 3-D, noises are very loud, and there is increased
creativity. I had 4 suicide attempts.
I
have been hospitalized in psychiatric units at least 18 times, two of which
were in eating disorder clinics. I once tried to estimate how much of my life
was spent in hospitals, and it added up to approximately 3 years!
I’m
currently on 9 psych meds. My new psychiatrist would like me to go to the John Hopkins’s
Mood Disorder Ward and be “detoxed” from meds. Especially since, I’m on 2
anti-depressants which is a no-no for those with bipolar. I’m so scared,
knowing that for the first 2 weeks he stated I would be in an extreme amount of
discomfort. I’ll keep you posted as to my decisions.
Again,
I look forward to bonding with individuals with mental illnesses, and
exchanging information that will help me grow and understand that bipolar is
not a life sentence just some speed bumps and potholes in the road!
Check out my new blog!!!
2 comments:
Wow. You have a lot going on :/ never did a detox like that, but why on earth would they put you on antidepressants? ??
That'a exactly the issue. When i was diagnosed 15 years ago they were not sure if i had depression or bipolar since it takes awhile sometimes to cycle..not im on them for years and literally coming off them will feel like an addict detoxing im told.
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