I was
introduced to a song the other day that hit home, and brings tears to my eyes
every time I hear it. The song (with some lyrics below) touches on something
that is not discussed in detail SHAME.
I cannot
begin to tell you even 17 years after my Bipolar diagnosis the shame I still
feel inside.
The
definition below is just one of many that define shame;
Shame: (a)
a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety
(b) a condition of humiliating disgrace or repute.
Some adjectives
includes: blame, fault, embarrassment, anguish, distress, sadness.
While
others may feel differently and may not feel shame, I do. So how does it effect
me currently and play a role in my life? The answer is constantly.
I’m on SSDI and on Medicare. My
husband is the breadwinner. His job is stressful for him, and he too suffers
from Bipolar. When he is upset about work, which is frequent, it makes me feel
a sense of shame. Shame that I cannot contribute to finances by working, and
shame that he feels stressed on a daily basis. While he tells me he feels
nothing of the sort, I still cannot get rid of the negative thoughts and
worthlessness I feel.
I think a big reason for sources of shame, is stigma. To tell or not to tell that is the question. How
are folks going to react? I feel a large part is due to the
stigma and judgments of the way we feel people will react. We are scared that
telling people will make them think, or say things about us…“She’s crazy”; “He needs his Prozac.” These are not uncommon
comments!
Many times shame leads to isolation
and withdrawal socially. This just fuels the depression, one is feeling already,
and possibly even creates a sense of anger. Negative emotions such as hurt and
sadness are not uncommon, as well as worthlessness. The feeling of
worthlessness it what drew me to this topic of shame.
So the question is how to deal with
shame? The answer from my point of view is it is hard. Nevertheless, there are
suggestions from various sources that suggest beneficial ways to improve one’s
self confidence. Such as getting involved in a hobby that you enjoy and feel
successful at. Positive affirmations may help such as, “I’m a good and kind
person that people enjoy to be around.”
Emeli Sande sings the song that started me thinking about this topic. The name of the song is “Read all about it.” I have chosen only pieces of the song that I feel really reflect the topic and hit home regarding shame.
“You've
got the words to change a nation but you're biting your tongue.
You've spent a life time stuck in silence afraid you'll say something
wrong If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song”
“You've
got a heart as loud as lions. So why let your voice be tamed? Baby
we're a little different there's no need to be ashamed. You've
got the light to fight the shadows so stop hiding it away”
“At night we're waking up the neighbours while we sing away the blues making sure that we remember yeah cause we all matter too if the truth has been forbidden then we're breaking all the rules”
“Yeah we're all wonderful, wonderful people so when did we all get so fearful? Now we're finally finding our voices so take a chance, come help me sing this.”
Here
is the link to the full version of this song….
Please
feel free to comment on this topic, I think it’s a topic that’s not frequently
discussed.
